True confessions Part 2-and some other crap

Update: I fixed the Top Gear in the South/rednecks video from June 14 2007. That was one of my most-clicked posts due to Jon Swift's "Best Blog Posts of 2007" feature. I am still trying to get those Eugene Mirman mp3's back online! I will!
I kinda got the Eugene Mirman stuff on again-(he had taken off the Mp3s and put on streaming clips) I put on a link to those, and put Youtube "clips" on. I still laugh like hell at this stuff! I can listen to it a thousand times-it's still funny!
Don't mess with the South/Phony phone conversation...

I forgot to post this admission last time, but here goes. It's another "name confusion" story.

Back before I was married (wife says "better be!") I met this really cute girl at a nightclub. I was always the shyest dude around but my friend goaded me into getting her number. I thought her name was "Hannah" (I wrote her number down- it was loud in there-just in case you're wondering how there might be confusion about her name)


Anyway, my cousin was getting married a few days later and I somehow got up the nerve to call her up to see if she wanted to go with me. There was going to be a reception, and dance after. I couldn't believe it when she said "yes"! (she was really pretty and I thought I had no business even being in her vicinity.) Anyway, we go to the ceremony and to the reception, and I'm introducing her as "Hannah" to all my cousins, aunties and uncles, etc. Then, after we ate, she wanted to change out of her "dressy" clothes into some clothes she could dance in, so I took her to her house. She came out dressed in the tightest, shortest, black miniskirt I had ever seen! Wow! So...let me collect my thoughts..thinking back....Oh yeah, uhhm... the dance! So we go back to the hall for the dance. All my male cousins (and even some uncles!) are checking Hannah out! In fact, I know a few of my male cousins' wives seemed a little pissed about her looking so damn good-ahem! I mean, they thought maybe the dress was a little too sexy. So a few of my relatives are coming around and I am introducing her to them: "Hannah, this is so and so...etc. Well one of the pissed off wives comes by and says something like-("I see you got into something a little more... comfortable") and I introduce Hannah to her. Pissed off wife/cousin says-"what was your name again?" and "Hannah" says "Anna"!! And PO'd cousin says "oh, I thought he called you "Hannah."!! I was shellshocked! Here I had been calling this girl Hannah all the time! I told her "I've been calling you 'Hannah!'" She said something like "it's ok-I knew you were just joking!" (I was like, yeah, that's right! I was just joking!) She was ok with it probably because when I called her on the phone, I was so nervous about talking to her, I used humor to drown out my flubs and "humina huminas." She apparently thought I was just teasing her about her name, and let me call her "Hannah"! (maybe she was a little "ditzy?" kind of like a Latina Barbie doll- I don't know!)

Here's some other crap:



I saw this "ad" for Youtube on its homepage. What the heck is that dessert supposed to be? (click to enlarge photo) I doesn't look appetizing at all! It looks like maggots in wet potting soil, with some whipping cream! I clicked the video and it's no joke. It's supposed to be YouTube's Holiday Solutions Center. I guess that clip is the one you want when you want a "solution" to not throwing up!

God, give me more horrible Christian music!

Did you know that the "renewed mind" is the key? Now you do:*(better watch it while you can! The other clip of this I had posted was taken off YT by The Way International for copyright infringement!)

Most of you have seen this clip-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-NOZU2iPA8 Son Seed-singing Jesus is a Friend of Mine. This is a funny parody (like if the original wasn't already a parody of itself!) of that song.

Comedian Mike Birbiglia talking about Christian music:

True Confessions

Hey! Maybe I should try this sometimes when I don't know the answer!



True confession Story time: When my son was born, my wife and I were walking around the hospital floor with me pushing my son in one of those hospital bassinets a few days later, since she had had a cesarean. We saw the Principal of the school were I had worked a few years earlier, who was with her daughter who had also just had a baby. We went up to her and I said hi, she said "hi" and she said "this is my daughter, etc" and then she said "what is it?" I thought she meant what did you have-a boy or a girl? She really meant-"what was your name?" I said proudly, "baby boy." She looked at me kinda weird and said, "Uhmm, no, I mean, what was your name?" My wife was so sore from the C-section that laughing was really hard for her, but she could barely keep from just bursting out loud! I got teased about this for a while! Now, we sometimes think about that day when I called myself "baby boy"!! It's good for some chuckles!
I will post a "name confusion" story that happened to me a while back for the next post. (I don't know, guess I feel like getting these off my chest!)

I always liked Rodney Dangerfield. What a classic comedian he was! Maybe the king of the one-liner.



I always liked this guy too: Richard Belzer on Reagan and Salman Rushdie:



Update: I just saw this in my list of updated blogmates posts! Another typically hilarious post from Jon Swift, just in time for the post Thanksgiving snacking and regorging!
Let Us Remember the True Meaning of Thanksgiving Before It’s Abolished

Sunken Dreamboats, Failures, and the Mob

I saw this photo set on the MSN homepage advertising People Magazine's latest issue about former "Dreamboats." What I find striking about these 3 photos is that Mickey Rourke looks like an Igor-like creature! I mean, man! In that pathetic photo, it looks like he's even saying, "yeeeesss, Master!" Then, Tom Cruise has that ridiculous "I wanna look like a 7-year-old boy" haircut, and finally, Val Kilmer is just looking like "Yeah, I farted, I don't give a shit anymore! I admit it... I'm just too damn tired to fake it anyways!"

Another thing I noticed: Look at the weight loss program ad to the right of the "Sunken Dreamboats." In the "before" photo, in my opinion, the woman looks pretty good to me! Yeah, I have never thought the runway model skinny look was attractive, and I think "curvy" women are more hot, but, what I'm saying is" what's so bad about the first woman's body in the first photo!? In the second photo, she looks like she's possibly....well starving...kinda like this chick did (from The Onion)
I Lost 32 Pounds In 15 Days And Died!

I used to comb The Smoking Gun all the time to look at the funny mug shots and arrest records of stars and plain old interesting citizens. Here is a funny story I found there recently. I knew a kid like that in school-but he wasn't caught and arrested for it-the way those suckers smelled, he shoulda been!
Florida Boy Arrested For Gas Attack

One of my favorite parts of TSG was the WMOB section. wmob Here, you can listen to FBI wiretap recordings of Federico "Fritzy" Giovanelli and Frank "Frankie California" Condo and a few other wiseguys talk about...well, nothing much, but some of the recordings are pretty funny! Just trying to imagine these wise guys talking about the most mundane things in life, their wives, and digestive health is too funny! Here is a just sampling of some of their funniest clips, but there's a bunch!
EPISODE 35: GARBAGE MEN

EPISODE 32: BABBLING CROOK

I have seen a lot of Failblog's FAIL Blog: Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments stuff on other sites like For Your Entertainment , but I went and checked out the site and saw this. Somebody has an anger problem.




Related Tags:Mickey+Rourke Tom+Cruise Va+Kilmer People+Magazine The+Onion weight+loss The+Smoking+Gun WMOB mafia Failblog

Music stuff

I enjoy checking out guitar clips on YT and one of my favorite people to check out is Justin Sandercoe: http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=C007F52A4794430C Here's his website, in which there's a link to his blog: Free guitar lessons - justinguitar.com He's a cool London-based guy-I like the way he describes the lessons and he's just seems like a guy you'd have a beer with while jamming some blues songs!

Recently, I was on his channel and came across some odd comments to a video he did about a finger dexterity exercise. There is one comment that is at once a little comical and maybe a little touching. (The one about hating God) I like what the other guy ends up suggesting!

(Click to enlarge)

(continued)

I don't know how anyone can listen Don Imus for too long. Not only can he say some racist crap once in a while, but, that voice! It sounds like he's chewing on frogs while trying to speak! It kinda reminded me of that voice Billy Gibbons uses on La Grange-you know- that "heah heah heah heah" thing.

Some things I don't joke about

I have been a member of the ACLU for 13 years. I believe in free speech all the way. I would never ever want to censor anyone on their blogs. Whatever you post is your choice.
I love having my blog I feel that it gives me a voice that I don't have in my personal or work environment. I like to joke just about anything-righties, Evangelical Christians, gross stuff-bodily functions, sex, cussing, etc, etc.

There are some things though, that to me, are not a joking matter, and that I won't parody: rape, the Holocaust, people dying-from disease or starvation, and people with special needs. I think with most of those things, it's pretty obvious why I (or someone else) might not want to parody or joke about those subjects. With the special needs thing, though, it seems to be a pretty widely accepted to do in the blogosphere. I am not sure why, but it is.

Having a child with special needs sensitizes you to things. It can hit home. In addition, I have been a teacher to young people with special needs for more than 12 years.

My point: I won't join in/comment on/link with this kinda stuff. That's all.

M.

This is sick! And you're sick for viewing it!

You may have heard of the "goatse" Goatse.cx - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia thing before (if you do check other links regarding goatse out-be careful it's pretty nasty stuff! This link's safe) in your Internet travels. Recently, I was on Crooks and Liars and I saw an ad for Obama that looked strangely like a goatse kind of thing. I have not doctored up this photo at all! (it may still be up at CnL!) It's probably just happens to look like a "goatse thing," but I could be wrong-Karl Rove could be at it again!

Below is a "goatse" type photo about as "safe for work" as I could find:




And, below the weird Obama thing that I saw. I know the picture is referencing Superman, but still... I found it when on this great post from the excellent site Jon Swift Jon Swift: Obama’s Disastrous Gaffe-Laden Press Conference which contained this link William Ayers (that takes you to a great TDS clip.)




What the hell happened to Victoria Jackson from SNL?! I had liked her on SNL. She always played the ditzi blonde, but damn, I don't think think this is an act! People, I think she could have gone off the deep end! I am going to just post a link to her website and let you take a look. (scroll down a little for the strange poems and her thoughts on Obama's Presidency!) At first, I thought it was a prank-it's that bad! I am still not completely sure that this isn't some kind of parody, but based on her description of her beliefs, I am thinking it's unfortunately not a prank.
Victoria Jackson

This guy has a question for all you men out there: (listen for both parts)

http://tts.imtranslator.net/2Jg6


Related Tags: goatse Barack+Obama farts TTS